A Luncher's Breakfast

John Belushi was one of the classic Lunchers. Here we see how he started his day off right with the real Breakfast of Champions.

A Meeting of the Minds

Greetings. I've been pretty busy, so sorry for the lack of updates.

Sometimes, when a Luncher talks to "normal" people, miscommunication results. But in this heartwarming video, we can see that even a Genius of Lunching is not without understanding friends.

The original Luncher Buddy movie. Enjoy.

My Bodyguard

Well, as you probably guessed, I am back. Sorry for the long absence. I have really had a lot going on. That is all I can say at this point. But I wanted to talk about something that you might not have considered.

As a Luncher, I work hand in hand with world leaders, policy makers, and the Federal Reserve, to ensure that the global economy does not collapse. Don't believe me? When I came to Japan, their economy was in the crapper. Now it is getting stronger again, and the US economy is...well, you know.

Because of our influence and significance in the New Economy, top Lunchers often put their very lives at risk, both in a restaurant, and on the street. So we need bodyguards to protect us. But we only accept fellow Lunchers, who have gone through a harrowing initiation (have you ever tried to eat 2 turkey platters full of sushi, then run for the door? Well that is just the initial test!

Take a look at one of our cadets doing weapon training.

Weapon Training for Lunchers

samurai zombie nation

samurai zombie nation

If you can watch this and NOT laugh...I'll buy you sushi every day for a week.

Oh, just let me grab my checkbook first, though...

And regarding the reviewer's translation of 「無念」: It actually means...oh hell, it basically means what he said it does.

(Via Japundit.)

The Search is over.

I've found "Steve!" Check out how a Luncher fights crime!

Wow, he hasn't changed a bit. Just grew his hair out a bit, and also learned Italian. But yeah. That's him!

Hey Steve, send me an email. Let's do lunch. Sushi. To celebrate your successful career!

Chewbacca Gets Stunned

Chewbacca Gets Stunned - CollegeHumor video

Hilarious. A guy gets tazed (on purpose?) and laughs about it. Laughing in a depraved and possibly dangerous situation, with severe health ramifications and an unknown, and probably negative outcome.

That, folks, is Lunching.

Message to Scientology

hahaha....I'd like to lend a fork to this effort. Sign me up!

Message to Scientology

Tokyo Olympics, 2016, Part Duece

As my good friend, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog would say..."I kid, I kid...."Japan is a wonderful country...for me to POOP ON!

I was just practicing my rant skills in the last post. Every Business Luncher must be able to RANT about any topic, at will. It is called "verbal diarrhea," and it is almost as important (and prevalent) in the world of Lunching as the rectal version. So, actually I am not so angry at Japanese. But then again, I do stand by what I said. They do need to treat resident foreigners better than they do. And they need to loosen up and laugh at themselves.

Oh, and they are asswipes.

Another Olympics in Tokyo? Dream On, Asswipes

I haven't seen any of these repugnant signs recently, so maybe these bastards here have given up on the idea...but for a while, I was seeing a lot of signs, here in Tokyo, saying, "Tokyo Olympics 2016." (See here.)

Um, yeah. Let me tell you bastards a bit of a secret. I am well connected at the highest levels. Don't believe me? Whatever. You don't know the power of Lunching on the world economy.

Anyway, the point is, these bastards want to host the Olympics. They want to show off how great and polite they are. This is so typical of Japanese. They worry so much about what people in other countries think of them. They act kind and polite. If you have a return ticket, you are guaranteed a wonderful cultural experience.

But if you live here, fuck you.

Here is a suggestion for my little friends who like to bow:

Learn how to treat the foreigners you have like they are humans and MAYBE...just MAYBE, we will let you have the Olympics.

Until then, fuck off and get back to work.

Love,

Stewie

I Can Die Now. Seriously.

This shit is reaching critical mass, and none too soon.

The truth is, a Luncher like me is living on borrowed time. This feeble flesh and bones just wasn't meant to keep up with a life of depravity and toxicity. But I am thrilled to see that even after I am gone, a new and even crazier generation is ready in the wings to carry on the tradition...

Party on, dude. And don't take off those glasses or hat. Shit, I never thought about wearing glasses like that...

I'm Still Kickin', Barstarditos!

Hey Ese,

Have no fear, your favorite Luncher is still here! I'm currently involved in a couple serious "projects" with huge implications for the environment, the U.S. Recession, and the upcoming Presidential Election "Debacle."

Thanks for your patience. Regular posting will return soon by the beginning of the month, but keep checking back, because i will try to post when I can (irregularly) for the rest of the month.

Better yet, subscribe to the Atom Feed and know when new wisdom is served.

In the meantime, enjoy this great video about a guy who really likes brownies.

Not unlike me.

Luncher Weddings!

This is what happens when Luncher/Geeks get married. Not all geeks are Lunchers, and not all Lunchers are geeks. But when they get together, it is nothing but depraved food and computer geekery! Yum....Wedding Favors, Ideas, Cakes and Themes Influenced by NES

BTW, can you spot me one of these pictures? I am wearing my traditional black suit and sword. Bet you can't find me!

 

(Via Cowboy Caleb.)

Clock Suckers: Abe-Hole - CollegeHumor video

Clock Suckers: Abe-Hole - CollegeHumor video: Sweet! History lessons, affirmative action, and the Microsoft Clippy, all in one shot? Sign me up!

(Via CollegeHumor.com.)

Pop-Up Books

Pop-Up Books

Kids, this is not nearly as much fun as Lunching. But if you happen to find yourself waiting for a black Nissan to pick you up, then give this page a whirl.

(Via Kung Fu Monkey.)